** Insert “Uranus” joke here **

Here’s a tip: if you’re going to the Proms this year and you need to break wind, try doing it during one of the fortissimo sections so nobody will be able to hear you. So for example, in last night’s performance of The Planets by Gustav Holst, just about anywhere in Mars, the Bringer of War would have been fine.

Try to avoid letting rip during the final bar of Venus, the Bringer of Peace:

The whole performance will be available on iPlayer until Wednesday next week. Skip to 14:00 for the start of the actual concert (it’s worth a listen), or 30:00 if you just want to hear a fart followed by a lot of stifled coughing.

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